Well this year isn't starting out as one would have hoped. I believe most know that our daughter Bree was pregnant with twins. Back in mid december we learned that these two were fraternal. One little girl and one little boy. On January 5th during Bree's routine exam, they could only find one heartbeat. An ultrasound confirmed that our little twin girl had passed away. Unbelievable. Bree and the babies had been healthy and thriving. No one can explain. All seemed fine at the previous exam two weeks prior. Our hearts are broken. My heart is broken, I grieve for another granddaughter. I am heartbroken that my daughter and husband are grieving the loss of another child.
At the same time I am excited, happy and thankful our little boy is doing great. Still growing, developing and thriving. A two sided sword, so painful and yet so happy and hopeful for our little grandson yet to be born.
You know that I am mostly very positive person, through all things that have come to pass in our lives good and bad I try to keep an open heart to the positives and joys. We are struggling ....I am struggling... I know that I am not the only one who is. That's why as family, we come together, support each other. I don't know that I will ever make sense of losing our little twin baby girl or the loss of Ashlyn Grace. The most I can hope for is to find a way to accept and trust in the Lord, keep my faith and believe that someday, I will understand why or not. I don't think I could exist otherwise. I will take this year, one day at a time, be thankful for the days I have, the opportunities, the joys and mostly the love. I tell myself each day that I will be strong and not give in to negative thinking and I will assume that all is well in my mind and my heart, until told otherwise. My tears only strengthen me.